Well....?

Like a bug in the grass in the path of an oncoming elephant, my second year of college started. Let me explain. I started this year with "Oh my goodness! This is my last normal year of college! Med School is only three years away- but technically it all starts next year! I have to bring up m GPA! Do I want to do this for the rest of my life? I have to DECIDE NOW!!!!" mentality.

The 17 hour (7 class semester) was underway and my volunteer coaching position from last year turned into a full commitment, in charge of scores of kids ages 4-18 (thankfully not all on my own), some really heading places and in need of serious commitment from coaches to help them prepare for college swimming. How could I do that?! Then the tutoring job- a blessing of more hours and higher pay…but it all adds up. Oh and there is that social group my friends and I wanted to join- on the condition we help recharter it. And there was no way the FRESHMAN 15 was going to haunt the SOPHOMORE after all that work this summer. NUH-UH!

Well it would only take a few weeks to see how feeble Jess handles fobbled schedules. I became a granny, going to sleep between 9-10 and waking before the West Texas Sunrise. My amazing roommate had the same sleeping patterns- always a good thing! But the tests rolled in and the study time was crammed. Unfortunately it took a not-so-hot Organic Chemistry test grade to wake me up that I needed to figure out if I could cut it as a future doc. Then the easy psych tests and stats tests followed. However, biology loomed over this poor bug like the grass’ inevitable shadow. And then my wings were clipped and the bug couldn’t escape. An elephant was coming. A big elephant…I’m imagining a sucker with tusks.

For two weeks, I panicked. Obviously these were two indications that I was not going to make it and because I register for classes in three weeks it could only be a sign that I HAD to make a decision, drastic and soon! Clearly someone who wants to save the world and change lives is certain that that is what they want to do- and by golly they are good students! So that meant “STOMP!” for Jess.

But the funny thing about prayer is ….God gives you immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine. My plea, “help me see what You want me to do because obviously I can’t be a doctor!” was answered. It wasn’t the burning bush that I thought I needed/wanted. It was the wonderful, patient people that popped into my life, not knowing the panic war in my mind. They are people that will read this blog and have absolutely no idea the impact the comment they made has been played into my “oncoming elephant” decisions. God doesn’t take the mighty to help bugs like me, he uses the weak because then He is strong. Their actions parallel my situation. What seemed to me God saying “No! You can’t do this!” was really the playing out of my probably not-so-wise decisions. We can do anything, but we can’t do everything.

I chose to take all this on. And clearly things needed to go- but I learned that it cannot be at the expense of friendships or more importantly my relationship with the One who has incredible plans laid out for me. But learning those plans does not come in the form of two bad grades; it’s the result of patience, hard work, trust, and simply doing your part with what you have been given for the day at hand.

This blog post is for all of you who feel overwhelmed. Life decisions just seem too big. You are scared that the plans of your future hinge on this very moment. Well your plans do- this moment you can chose to give them to God or you can chose not to. You ask, “But what does this mean?” And I can only say, “I’m still figuring that out myself”.

Know this: you can’t beg God to help you, and not be willing to do anything yourself. Yes, I believe God could do it all, but I also believe He likes His people to be hard workers and sacrificing. These light and momentary trials are building for you an eternal glory. Did we mistake trials to mean effortless on our part? So in my case, that meant re-envisioning my goals.

I don’t need to make this huge decision right now. I know that I want to serve people, solve challenges, and make a difference in my community. What can I do about that now? Medicine interests me and I love a challenge. So what needs to change in my life?

Goodbye Facebook. If you are not addicted like I am, I admire you. It’s been a little over 3 weeks and it is finally starting to feel liberating. What are your major, of this world, distractions?

I cannot handle 17 hours and two jobs. It was fun to tell people what all I was doing, sounds like I’m a responsible person that can manage lots of weight on my shoulders. Nope. If I want to do any post undergrad schooling the grades need to be better. I can’t quit the jobs so that leaves the classes. After researching requirements for varying post undergrad programs I found a class that I was taking at the present time that could be dropped. Unfortunately that still leaves some difficult classes, but allows more time& effort for them. Where are you spreading yourself too thin?

Connecting with people. Without Facebook, sadly, I struggled to find a way to personally keep up with people. This new time has fostered some great friendships that would otherwise not have been initiated and engage in relationships with older and wiser adults. It forces me to set aside time to write to varying wonderful people and to enjoy sharing laughter and life with friends at mealtimes.

Connecting with God. Recently, lessons that have been in my classes or during Church service or conversations with friends and strangers have alluded to making Spirit led decisions or relying on faith. We brothers and sisters think we know it all…and tend to lose sight of these core aspects of the Christian walk. It’s what we preach to others, but neglect ourselves. Let’s take the plank out of our own eyes! I am still struggling to comprehend the workings of God and give Him the time He so rightfully deserves. But I know it is an essential part to eating this elephant.

So how do you eat an elephant? According to Kara’s dad’s mentor  “One bite at a time”. My God is bigger than the elephant.

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